Horrorwood: The Freaks Come Out!

The votes are in, and Heather Mills has hands down won our vote to see who is the scariest celeb of them all. Surprised?

As Halloween looms ever closer we at entertainmentwise.com decided to take a look at which celebrities have demonstrated the most freaky behaviour over the last 12 months?take a look at our scary choices below and cast your vote?.

1) Houston We Have a Problem

Whitney, Whitney, Whitney what happened? Where did it all go wrong?

In the 80s you were saving all your love for somebody you wanted to dance with; you were at the top of the charts, and at the top of your game.

In the 90s you reigned supreme with your cover of ?I Will Always Love you?. Number one for fourteen inescapable weeks: there was just no stopping you. Or your lovin?, it would seem. Now though? Well, now you?re more famous for your drug habit, and that photo of your drug den, sorry, bathroom that did the rounds of the world?s inboxes earlier this year. Not a pretty sight. Ever thought about hiring a maid and, you know, kicking the crack?
Just a suggestion.

Now we hear you?re divorcing your hubby Bobby Brown. Well, that?s about the smartest move you?ve made all year. Maybe, now that you?ve kicked that good for nothing loser into touch, you can claw back some self respect. And ditch the drugs. Oh and ditch dressing like a crazy bag lady while you?re at it.

2) Hoff the Record

David ?The Hoff? Hasselhoff, famous for: starring in ?Knight Rider?, the ?ber kitsch 80s show about a talking car;  playing Mitch in the most watched (and, it?s got to be said, the most cheesy) television show of all time-?Baywatch?, and, er, being the top selling artist of 1989 in Germany. Actually, he?s more than likely the top selling artist in Germany full stop, come to think of it. The reason for his Teutonic success, remains, as yet, a complete and utter mystery.

This year, however, ?The Hoff? has really managed to surpass himself: being kicked off a flight from Heathrow for being drunk in June; releasing his autobiography ?Making Waves? in September; falling asleep during an interview on GMTV (also in September), sparking rumours of his a) being rip roaring drunk, b) suffering from narcolepsy, or c) all of the above; launching an assault on both our ears and the charts with the ludicrous song ?Jump in my Car?-the tackiest single since, well, since his last musical offering-in October. Yes, there?s no denying that The Hoffmeister has being a constant and much derided source of amusement this year. Hopefully 2007 will see him in as fine form as ever.

3) Mel Gobson

This year Mel Gibson has mostly been offending the world?s oldest community of people, oh, and driving whilst under the influence of rather large amounts of alcohol. As you do. On the, now infamous, night of 28th of July Gibson was pulled over by Californian cops on a drunk driving charge. Ok, so instead of, you know, stumbling around belligerently and mumbling a few slurred obscenities upon his arrest, he decided to go all out on the bad-boy behaviour and let rip with a vitriolic anti-Semitic tirade, the likes of which had not been heard-at least, publicly, since a certain moustachioed Nazi dictator was in power.

 Obviously, being arrested for drink driving wasn?t scandalous enough for Mel, no, he had to go and secure his number one spot in the world?s headlines and most hated celebrity lists of all time by delivering probably the most openly racist and sexist speech ever to pour forth from an A-lister?s mouth. Of course, Mel Gibson has always courted controversy, and his anti-Semitic beliefs have long been the subject of the Hollywood rumour mill, but, his drunken outburst this summer showed the world his true colours, and confirmed, in no uncertain terms, what a vile waste of space he really is.

4) Mills and Doom

Once upon a time there lived a member of one of the greatest bands of all time, who went by the name of (Sir) Paul McCartney. In the summer of 2002, Sir Paul married Heather Mills (a working class animal rights campaigner and eco warrior from Hampshire, who, after a collision with a police motorcycle in 1993, had had left leg amputated) and much feuding between the former model ?wicked? stepmother Heather and Sir Paul?s beloved fashion designer daughter Stella thus ensued.

Summer 2006: the fairytale marriage is all but a distant memory. Heather has been exposed; quite literally, as her past exploits as a one-time glamour model for a camp as Christmas 80s German Sex Manual (the very unerotic sounding ?Die Freuden der Liebe) is splashed across the country?s red tops throughout May and June. The pair announced their separation on May the 17th. Mills? was instantly branded a gold digger after claims suggested she?d be getting anywhere between ?10 and ?200 millions pounds in the divorce settlement.
So: did Heather Mills really marry Sir Paul for his money? (Hmmmm?) Was she really out for all she could get?  Who knows? Gold digger or not, she?ll always be a whiney, ?holier-than-thou?, tree-hugging ice maiden. Oh, and the worst glamour model, ever.

5) Fergwee

Stacy Ann Ferguson, otherwise known as ?Fergie?, lead singer of hip-hop outfit The Black Eyed Peas, and: real life Wicked Witch of the West. She?s ?melting? people, ?melting?. Seriously, what is up with Fergie?s face? When she started out on her Black Eyed Peas adventure a mere three years ago, she looked, ya?know, normal. Ok, a little on the butch side, but we won?t hold that against her.

But now? Now, she looks like Jocelyne (Bride of) Wildenstein, crossed between a transvestite Michael Jackson. So Not a good look to be rocking. Take note: Fergie is what happens when you get a little ?plastic-surgery-happy?. Don?t say we didn?t warn you. And, as if her scary wax like face weren?t shocking enough, seems the lady has herself a bit of a bladder control problem. Peeing your pants in public, on stage? Also, not good. 

With her new album-Dutchess- out, hopefully she?ll soon get enough cash rolling in to afford a pair of dark trousers, which, with any luck, won?t show any future ?stains?, or, you know, a bumper pack of incontinence pads. Either would do.

6) Scary Pete #1

Is it a man? Is it a woman? Is it the creature from blue lagoon? Oh, no, it?s just Pete Burns.

The ex-front man of 80s new wave group ?Dead or Alive?, is looking less like a real life human being these days, and more like the result of some kind of Frankenstein-esque experiment that has gone monumentally wrong with every passing day.

2006 was the year that Pete Burn?s flagging ?career? got a boost in the form of that last chance saloon for washed up celebrities of yesteryear: Celebrity Big Brother. Pete?s stint on the show certainly got people talking: if it weren?t his ?gorilla? coat (actually made from the skin of the Colobus monkey, which is just as endangered as the gorilla), it was the bully boy behaviour of him and his (unlikely) partner in crime Michael Barrymore towards the other contestants.

Out of the house, but Burns was still very much in the papers. Mainly for his ?are they/aren?t they? relationship with boyfriend Michael Simpson, and turning up to clubs wearing, well, not a lot really.

What will the New Year bring for him? Hopefully a new wardrobe, so that he can actually wear some real clothes instead of parading around in his bizarre half y-fronts/half dress creations that leave nothing to the imagination. Seriously, put it away Pete, you?re not impressing anyone, making them retch with nausea yes, but impressing? Not one bit.

7)  Scary Pete #2

Look scary up in the dictionary and you?ll probably find Pete Doherty?s name beside it. Why? Because it?s god damn scary that he?s still here. By rights he should be pushing up the daisies by now, the amount of substances he?s used and abused.

Where does one start when discussing his various crimes and misdemeanours over the past year? There?s just been so many. How about spitting at a morning breakfast TV presenter: on camera? No? Well there?s always his flicking a syringe full of blood at yet another unsuspecting cameraman? And of course there are his countless ?holidays? at Her Majesty?s leisure, gazillion attempts at rehab, and his on/off romance with supermodel Kate Moss. Although, really, there ain?t much that?s super about her these days, it has to be said.

Yep, 2006 has definitely been Pete?s pi?ce de r?sistance year as far as the ratio of days to acts of utter crazy stupidity go. Question is, can he top his own personal best in 2007? Only time will tell.

8) Naomi Campbell

Do you have to be mentally unstable to be a world famous supermodel, or does it just, you know, help? If it?s not Kate ?Cocaine? Moss and her bizarro romance with smack king Pete Doherty (see above), it?s Naomi Campbell with her ?maid abuse? fetish.

Ms Campbell scored a double whammy this year: that?s right, she hit not one, but two maids for, would you believe it, the exact same thing. Yep Little Miss Angry Model lashed out at two maids (on totally separate occasions) for purportedly purloining her favourite pair of jeans.  But she didn?t hit them with any old thing, oh no, that?d be far too common for Ms Campbell, her weapon of choice? Her Swarovski crystal encrusted Blackberry. Ever the designer diva to the last-even when she?s committing common assault and battery.

Get thee to an anger management class Campbell (actually, you know what? Make it a whole course, while you?re at it). For the sake of maids-and crystal covered mobiles- everywhere.

9) Tom Cruise

Dear, oh dear, oh dear Mr Cruise, you have been busy this year, haven?t you? Busy making yourself look a complete and utter fool that is. Not that it takes a lot. Jumping about on Oprah?s sofas? Getting engaged to sweet little Katie Holmes? Getting sweet little Katie Holmes pregnant? Fuelling a bidding war for the exclusive first pictures of your first born?  Just what, in the name of Xenu, is going on?

We know you are mad passionate in love L.Ron Hubbard. We got that message loud and clear, oh, about a million years ago. But all this insanity? This weirdness? This is too much Tom, way too much. As for yours and Katie?s offspring (sorry, of course, it?s Kate now isn?t?!), what was the deal with keeping Suri holed away for months, thus perpetuating the rumours flying round the internet that Suri didn?t actually exist; that your bride- to -be?s pregnancy was in fact a sham? Seriously, what?s up with that? 

We demand you stop this nonsense right now, immediately. It?s not right we tell you, not right at all.

10) Nicole Richie

Nicole Richie: famous for, what, exactly? Starring in a couple of series of a sub -par reality TV show? Being Paris Hilton?s on and off again best friend? Losing half her body weight in about a week? All of the above?

This year has seen Nicole Richie-adopted daughter of soul singer Lionel- drop to frighteningly small proportions. She is now so skinny that she looks like a child. But, damn the girl-child has style. So, she hasn?t actually admitted to having an eating disorder- ?though, seriously, give it up, already, you?re not fooling anyone honey- but it is pretty obvious that all is not right in the world of La Richie. This year has seen picture after horrifying picture of Nicole circulating in the world?s press. Another day another couple of pounds down. She conceded back in May that she was too thin, but gave stress and a busy schedule as the excuse for her new skeletal figure. More likely a vat of laxatives and a diet of lettuce and water, but that?s neither here nor there. Seriously, someone needs to get her help, and quick, before she fades away completely.