'Speed Racer' (PG) Starring Emile Hirsch & Christina Ricci

Cast your mind back 5 years. Spring 2003. The Matrix was a staple on everyone’s DVD shelf, and its sequel was met with fevered anticipation. Queues formed round the block, in scenes similar to the furore surrounding the original Star Wars films. Everyone was willing this trilogy to be this generation's Star Wars. Then it came out. Indifference to the second film, Reloaded, turned into anger at the pants third instalment, Revolutions. Like a nerdy Quasimodo, directing duo The Wachowski Bros went into hiding, emerging only to write & produce the excellent V For Vendetta.

And so we come to today, and their directing return in Speed Racer, a big screen version of the 60’s Japanese cartoon. It tells the story of Speed (Emile Hirsch), a young car racer living in a Technicolor, futuristic world where racing is king. Desperate to emulate his late brother Rex Racer, Speed is fast becoming the next big thing in the sport, racing for his family’s independent team. However, when he is approached by a shadowy corporation looking to buy his talent, he uncovers a world of corruption that taints the sport he loves - and the reasons behind his brother’s mysterious death.

The first thing you notice about this movie is the awesome way it looks. Sure, in reality the whole thing was probably shot in a blue-screen shed somewhere in L.A., but, for a movie based on anime, the aesthetic is spot on, as you would expect from a Wachowski film. Unfortunately, that is both a strength and a weakness, as Speed Racer is a classic case of style over substance. Once you strip back the ‘oooh! Aaah!’ effect of all the shiny cars, the story is entirely unoriginal - almost like a psychedelic Days of Thunder. The narrative is even worse - we jump backwards, forwards, and by the time you know what’s going on, who’s where and why, they’ve already moved on. Very silly slapstick interludes end up annoying the hell out of you - there’s only so many times you can watch a monkey grin.

Acting takes a backseat to the CGI, which is absolutely horrifying considering the talent on offer. Christina Ricci is watered down more than in her ‘Disney period’ as Trixie, Speed’s girlfriend. John Goodman, playing Speed’s Dad, struggles admirably despite a bad script and a ridiculous fake moustache, and Speed’s mum, Susan Sarandon, makes the best of a criminally small role (she was in Dead Man Walking for Pete’s sake!). Lost star Matthew Fox is anonymous as Racer X, and Roger Allam is unbearable as baddie Royalton. But it’s Hirsch who maybe deserves the most stick, given the fact that he plays Speed with all the charisma of a parking ticket.

The ending leaves you thoroughly indifferent, with exactly zero surprises in store. May be great fun for kids who can keep up with the plot, and you will not see a film this year that looks as good, but underneath all the beauty lies a lack of substance that is hard to ignore.