The term 'Portrait' in the title of this movie is a clue to the arty ambition of the film-makers. For one game, seventeen camera's film Zinedine Zidane, with the background in soft-focus. In the few moments we're allowed to see the game properly, from a distance, it's through a grainy TV picture.

That's the good part, but we're soon back on Zidane. Zidane adjusts his genitals to a more comfortable position! Wow. Zidane spitting! Hold the front page. He only has one stone-faced expression for most of the film. If the makers had to do this movie, they could have at least picked someone who smiles, like Ronaldhino. In this Real Madrid game against Villarreal, Zidane only talks twice with other players; "Daveed" Beckham and "Berto" Carlos. The loneliness of the Galactico is felt, especially when you remember Zidane's long mid-game discussion's with Lillian Thuram, during the World Cup.

Mogwai do a good job, sound-tracking the loneliness, completely ditching the 'loud' in their old quiet/ loud dynamic. The guitars rumble nicely in the background, but are not nearly enough to save the movie. Another external ingredient is Zidane's words at the bottom of the screen, which are standard footballer-talk cliche's. When we see what Zidane is best at; control of a football, it's a delight, but apart from that, the footage is woeful. We aren't allowed to see how accurate passes are, their distance or even their direction. This is when Zidane has the ball, which isn't often. There are twenty-one other players on the pitch, after all. It would be preferable to watch the game by means of normal TV coverage. You'd get a better understanding of the game, as well as Zidane. The film-maker's don't even allow the audience to know the final score.

This is a worse way to remember Zidane than that head-butt. You're better off cranking up Mogwai's 'Young Team', while trawling through You Tube for Zidane's greatest moments.